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In reading Lady Chatterley’s Lover, I wonder if Connie is INFP. I’m only a third or so way into the book, so if I’ve missed some major character developments….that’s why. INFP= Introversion, iNtuition, Feeling, Perception.

Introverts expend energy in social situations, as opposed to extroverts who are energized by them.  Connie spends a lot of time in isolation, and she quickly tires of Clifford’s company.

Intuition favors the future over the present, and tends to result in broad prospective theories rather than sensing what’s in front of their eyes.  Although she reacts against Clifford’s irritating stagnant intellectualism, her rebellion is one based in theory.  She postulates a world where people care less about words and more about sensation – itself a worded, abstract argument.

Feeling is opposed to thinking, and accounts for her boredom at the detached debates had by Clifford and his associates.  INFPs would sooner respond emotionally – feeling that it is more ‘true’ to the matter than dressing and “ravishing” it with words.

‘P’ stands for perception.  Connie doesn’t judge Clifford, instead chooses to try and work out why he acts in the way he does.  She is eventually sickened by her entrapment in Clifford’s ’soul’, but this decision is long in the making.

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I was recently given an extensive description of the INFP personality type, from Lenore Thompson’s Personality Type: An Owners Manual.

In a show of introversion and egoism, here’s how accurately I think each point Thompson makes described my own experience. *gulp*

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INFPs are the type of whom people say, “Still waters run deep”. Oriented by Introverted Feeling and extraverted Intuition, they’re both highly idealistic and quietly tolerant of others’ ideas.

Quiet on the surface, passionate within. Yeah sounds true. I see it as part defense – protect the emotion within with passivity – and part being non-judgmental. Wouldn’t want to reveal passions without being totally sure it’s genuine…

Although Feeling always determines a form of idealism, the values determine by Introverted Feeling are different from the Extraverted sort. Extraverted Feeling presides over social values – current ideas about how relationships in the communities are best conducted. Introverted Feeling determines subjective values – convictions about how life is best lived.

Yes, I don’t really have opinions on the ‘best’ kind of social relationships. I often feel selfish, because I’m unable to really think (or feel, rather) about other people. I have to work from my own convictions outwards.

Such values are trained by direct experience of good and bad behaviors, and they claim us from within. But relationship gradually teaches us that some of them transcend our individual circumstances, linking us irrevocably with other human beings.

Absolutely. Specific events act as ‘case studies’ in developing inner moral frameworks. I’m not entirely sure what the second sentence means. I think it means that sometimes the values which we assume to be internal, end up being shared with another person and thus become detached from our own physicality – ascending into a temporal realm of morality. That sounds way too fanciful – but I think my meaning is clear.

Found in only 1 percent of the population, the INFP’s understanding of reality is quite nearly like the one described by mystics, who believe spiritual energy descends to earth by way of eternal ideals – structural patterns that bring order out of material chaos. By aligning their behaviors with these ideals, mystics can, presumably, bring life into harmony with its divine potential.

I love mysticism. I think it’s interesting how she links a mystical outlook with a mystical objective. 1) The world is constructed from spiritual patterns 2) Our task is to act in accordance with those glimpsed-at spiritual ideals. Sounds very Platonic. It’s the only method of describing the world which has any meaning to me as well, though I understand it’s flaws…

INFPs may not describe their approach in metaphysical terms, but it’s a rare INFP who doesn’t see in nature’s underlying pattern intimations of a larger purpose. Whether they write, teach, nurture, conduct research, make art, or devote their lives to spiritual service, their work becomes the agency through which they can grasp those “distant deeps and skies” in which “fearful symmetries” are framed.

Blake quote….ilu. So appropriate. It’s become almost taboo to speak of ‘larger purpose’ in pop-culture, because you get scorned as a ‘believer’ – one of those fools who thinks the bible is the literal word of God and they can’t see past their own noses, HAHAHAHA….. *sigh*

INFPs yearn to experience oneness with their circumstances, but Intuition prevents them from satisfying this longing as ISFPs do, by losing themselves in a physical activity. Intuition doesn’t push INFPs to act. It pushes to interpret; to see the potential of their thoughts and behaviors in terms of their ideals.

Interesting comparison with INSP – i think this sheds light on the almost arrogant “still waters run deep” comment earlier. There’s a conflict, because this visionary abstract world-view must be continually assessed. And yeah, I rarely feel pushed to act on a thought.

Because their ideals are holistic, INFPs feel responsible not only for their actions but for their desire to take action, and they have a nearly karmic idea of balance. If they betray their ideals in either deed or feeling, they try to make restitution. When good things happen, they may worry about paying a price.

This is extremely true. It’s not quite the same as guilt – which is how many people interpret this faculty I think. If i desire to do something which goes against a principle, that is almost as bad as the action itself. I would deny the concept of ‘Karma’ – because when it’s packaged as a word like that, we are trained to dissect it and pull it apart “like good students do”….but in fact I act as though Karma is law. Any happiness must be paid for with unhappiness, because both of these states are an imbalance. I don’t feel guilty for being happy though – more like, feel responsible for making other people feel as I do.

It’s instructive to compare these types to ENFPs, who share the same two functions but understand life very differently. ENFPs rely on Intuition to gauge the nature of an external context and Feeling to recognize the values of the people in it. The best illustration of how this works is President Clinton’s unrivaled ability to identify with an audience and sympathize with their aspirations. ENFPs generally believe that people will recognize their good intentions, even if their behavior falls short of them.

Not sure i know of any ENFPs.

INFPs approach reality from the other way around. Introverted Feeling prompts them to hold unconditional human values, and they use Intuition to figure out what that means in terms of their existential context. Asked whether he had ever had an extramarital affair, President Carter said no but allowed that he had experienced “lust in his heart.” This is quintessential INFP perspective. Such types feel responsible for their hidden intentions, even if their behaviors exceed people’s expectations.

This is perhaps the reason why I’m most reluctant to support MBTI – this whole typology thing. It paints a picture of INFPs being glowing saints of morality – when in fact I continually transgress morality in thought. It doesn’t even occur to me that some people only judge their morality by their actions, not their thoughts…

Given their focus on what it is to be human, INFPs are not always easy to recognize as types. Their outward behaviors vary widely. Some are reserved and prefer one-to-one conversations, but a surprising number of INFPs enjoy performing and may be singers, actors and comedians. In all cases, however, INFPs need a fair amount of time to themselves.

If I wasn’t so damn scared i think ‘d be capable of performing in that way. I think it would require more of a ‘Clintonesque’ ENFP type though than i possess.

Although they identify strongly with expressions of joy, sorrow, pain, and vulnerability in others and respond compassionately to people who need them, they’re accessible only up to a point. Once that point is reached, they’ve genuinely depleted their social capital and need to recoup.

I think this is true. The compassion and empathy is instinctive, but also energy-consuming. There comes a point when enough is enough, regardless of other people. Retreat!

It’s easy to misunderstand INFPs in this regard, because they relate to others in the same low-key, easygoing way that characterizes ISFPs. They’re often wry, and if they’re comfortable, they’ll contribute a running patter of perceptive remarks and observations. Thus, it surprises people when the INFP abruptly winds down and wants to be alone.

Another cool comparison – from what I’ve read, INSPs are actual ‘artists’ – who create the worlds they dream and sense. It’s frustrating when people get confused when you just want to leave and get away…..i love you all, just – yeah i just want to be alone after a while.

Moreover, these types are sympathetic listeners, genuinely interested in what others do and believe, which encourages people to anticipate a more extensive relationship than the INFP may have bargained for. Until they recognize what’s happening, INFPs may be constantly obliged to extricate themselves from situations they got into simply by virtue of warmth and goodwill.

I read this to a friend and couldn’t stop laughing. Oh, yes this has happened xD. I guess where most people would clearly decide not to interact or understand someone, it’s nice to empathize and feel for people….but no, no that does not mean we are friends :P

Along the same lines, these types have high romantic ideals, and express this aspect of their personality somewhat tentatively. This can lead people to believe they’re shy or not interested in physical intimacy. In actuality, INFPs long for communication of mind, body, and spirit, and they envision a partner who can appreciate the nature of their inner world and give them access to it in sexual terms.

I want to discuss this more on AVEN. I think this is perhaps one of the hardest sticking points in our society…..it’s heartbreaking to read magazines which use sex as just another method to judge and belittle people.

However, like all P types, they don’t want to set goals for their relationships; they want good things to happen naturally, to grow out of the situation as it exists. Moreover, their finely tuned Intuitive skills lead them to believe that the right person would see through all the surface nonsense to the inchoate potential within, read it in their body language, their musical tastes, the images that move them, the underlying meaning of their words.

This is not a good thing. Just ASSUMING that the other person should know innate personal details and preferences, and if they don’t they’re not worthy of a relationship. It’s not fair, and a little hypocritical. Still though, we can dream….

This ideal picture is also a consequence of their wholistic point of view. INFPs have a hard time articulating who they are inside, and they keep hoping the objective situation will give them enough reference points to express themselves in a way that feels true and right. Indeed, INFPs can have a hard time figuring out what they’re called to do in life.

I don’t think it means much to agree with this – having a hard time figuring out what you’re called to do in life is hardly an unusual problem for 19 year-olds…

Unlike Extraverts, whose primary self-image is tied up with their outward behaviors, INFPs may get at their self-experience only when it conflicts with their external choices. Even those INFPs who have plugged themselves into a career that allows them to do something meaningful and good may not feel sure they’re doing enough. They’re nagged by an impression that something else is supposed to happen, something that will tell them what they’re really meant to do.

Yep. Even on a short term scale, this is a difficult thing to come up against. Feeling happy yet expecting more, it’s like a greed of the soul.

Al Capp used to draw a syndicated cartoon called Long Sam, in which a grizzled, pipe-smoking mountain woman dispensed hard-won wisdom about life. When it came to human values, however, all she could say was, “Being nice is better – because it’s nicer.” INFPs can find themselves in the position of saying something very much like that when they try to articulate what they believe and why. Their values have no predictable reference points in law and social convention. They cut through all that to the heart of the matter.

I often get very hung up on trying to explain these inexplicable values – the problem is people aren’t happy with “just because”. I try, to whatever extent I can, to make the other person feel how i feel, so that they might experience the moral necessity better.

In order to actualize their certainties and ideals, INFPs generally find a place for themselves in the prevailing social system that allows them to focus on human potential. But given the fact that their values are more fundamental than institutional priorities, they’re constantly frustrated with the time and energy they spend on structural maintenance – society’s “edifice complex.”

My position on this is largely similar to Cook’s from Skins (Season 3, 4). “We don’t play by nobody’s rules, do we?” I’m probably a less moral person than someone who adopts the teachings of a government or religion, but I’m all for the enlightenment. It’s better to do a bodge-job of your own personal morals than blindly following someone else’s. And yes, there seems to be a disunity between that which actually helps the community, and actions which feel like they do moral justice.

So they’re in a quandary. Because, apart from jobs of this sort, they don’t have a clear idea of what it would mean to act on their values. The right-brain character of their Feeling goals suggest a life spent in pilgrimage, free from objective attachments – even a sense of home.

Absolutely. I wasn’t lying on Facebook, my life goal is truly to become a hermit. Pilgrimage sounds good though….unfortunately I don’t think my pathetic body would be up to the exertion.

And some INFPs do, in fact, give their lives to missionary work or the priesthood or a spiritual community. But most INFPs, by the time they’re wrestling with this question, have established a home and family and/or a place for themselves in the community, and they’re not inclined to hurt the people they love for the sake of an ideal they can’t quite define.

The problem with priesthood is that it entails belief in one of the big religions…and I’m not sure i believe in that. Maybe when I do, I’ll be one of those people who have too many dependencies to do anything about it….ahh well, what will be will be.

So frustration gradually pushes INFPs into using their Intuition defensively, to protect what feels like their “true” self against the imperfect outer situation they’re living in. They feel guilty about this, too, because they think they ought to be satisfied with what is, after all, a perfectly decent life course.

INFPs who are relying on their Intuition this way usually take one of two directions. Either they become permanent seekers – good at many things but disinclined to stick with any for long – or they become somewhat passive, unable to articulate what they want but dissatisfied with what they they’re doing.

Sometimes when I feel bad, it manifests in a total inability to express anything. I become so unsure of even the most basic assumptions that nothing is left. I don’t trust / believe in my ability to see things for what they are, so I lazily settle with “who knows? nobody knows, damn it all…” which isn’t good.

These latter types generally feel that they don’t have enough initiative, but they don’t get much accomplished apart from others’ routines and structural expectations. Left to their own devices, they tend to procrastinate or do unnecessary tasks to avoid more important ones.

Hehe….did someone say procrastinate? (Mind you, this epic post is being done after work, and before 9pm so there!)

When INFPs spend most of their energy protecting their inner realm from attachment to an imperfect outer situation, their least-developed functions, Extraverted Thinking, doesn’t get very conscious. Such types are often excellent at managing time and resources for others but have a harder time structuring and organizing their own lives. In fact, they may become romantically involved with a strong J type, who can anchor them to the objective world, but can’t provide what they actually crave: something to pull them to the surface of their own personality.

No comment?

INFPs need to use their Intuition in a genuinely Extraverted way. They’re accustomed to using Intuition to figure out how to deal with an existing context; they need to apply it, instead, to the task of defining what an objectively good situation would be like.

Righteyo. I haven’t reached that zenith yet. Sounds nice, having a clue what the hell might result from actions…where do I start?

This is by no means easy for INFPs to do. When they stop using Intuition to defend themselves, their first instinct is to assert the importance of their Feeling goals. They challenge people, question the aspects of the situation that strike them as problematic. This “feels” like Extraverted behavior, but it isn’t. Extraversion moves us to take the objective world for granted. It’s Introversion that strives to adapt the objective situation to itself.

Man, personal development is hard. When i have “really good weeks” this is what I do i think, become quite aggressive and challenging – assertive of feeling.

Meanwhile, the Extraversion these types actually require goes underground. Extraverted Thinking becomes so profoundly unconscious that it floods them with impulses directly opposed to their Feeling aims.

Eh? Examples, please……hmm. It’s definitely true that when i start seriously ‘getting things done’ in my life it is because i start trusting my intuition to tell me which is the best prospective plan. And yes, often this trust is in direct conflict with what i ‘feel’ is an approrpiate response.

Like all types, INFPs don’t recognize this internal pressure as an opportunity to grow. They feel the influence of their Thinking function, but they mistake it for an outward problem. They feel increasingly thwarted and boxed in, false to their real selves, and they’re sure the reason is their accommodating spirit. Thus, they go back to using Extraverted Intuition as a defense, but more aggressively, because the stakes are higher. They decide to fight some of the things that are hemming them in.

Boxed in, absolutely. It’s like something has taken over myself, something is controlling me and making me act in a bizarre assertive condition. I do try and fight this, it’s true. So what should I do instead? Allows the ‘other’ to possesses me, and take it as my own?

INFPs don’t like conflict, so their rebellion is often subtle and passive-aggressive in form. They grab their feet when someone pushes them to do something they don’t want to do, sometimes until the person gives up, or they “yes” people, then do as they like. None of this helps INFPs to find their own truth; it actually takes them away from the quest, concentrating their attention on all the wrong things.

Oh dear, many a time have i “yes”ed people only to do whatever…mm. And yep, I’m stubborn like that.

One might consider, in this respect, the characters in the movie The Big Chill – friends from the sixties who come together, twenty years later, for the funeral of their compatriot, Harold. Harold had been a role model for them, a free spirit guided entirely by Introverted Feeling ideals. His suicide makes them realize how far afield subsequent choices have taken them from the values he inspired.

Thus, they each attempt to prove that they’re not locked into the social roles that appear to define them: the unmarried lawyer decides to get pregnant; the upscale franchise king gives his friends illegal stock information; the society matron has an extramarital affair.

INFPs under the influence of Extraverted Thinking are not unlike these characters. They’re self-conscious rather than idealistic. Their actions aren’t being guided by an inner code, leading them to positive action, but by a need to defend themselves against others’ priorities.

I’ve lost track of thinking whether these feel specific to INFP or just generally true statements on personality….but oh my god yes, this is how i behave.

In fact, such types usually find that ignoring others’ expectations doesn’t give them enough protection, and they turn to Introverted Sensation, their tertiary function, to keep their Feeling values intact. They literally avoid situations that don’t accord with their primary self-experience, forfeiting relationships rather than experience inner conflict.

Yes – I’d sooner deny myself an opportunity or relationship than expose a value to scrutiny.

Ironically, the more unconscious Extraverted Thinking becomes, the more INFPs call attention to themselves in their attempt to keep their environment congenial to their values. Their objective preferences become idiosyncratic, forcing others into unusual accommodations in order to relate to them. Given the fact that they’ve projected their STJ impulses on to the impersonal structure of society, they feel morally vindicated. What can they do to change a whole system? What’s important is to be true to themselves; others have to take responsibility for their own choices.

I get like this in arguments, or when times are particularly bad (relatively speaking, as always).

It should be emphasized that INFPs aren’t wrong about this. They do need to be “true to themselves.” However, Introverted Sensation doesn’t help them do this. It keeps them locked into things as they are. It turns their ideals into an external value system that defines some situations as congenial to their needs and others not, leaving them no choice but to stay out of the ones that aren’t.

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When INFPs develop sufficient Intuition, they stop focusing on things as they are and begin to see new possibilities for action. One might consider, again, the characters in The Big Chill. Among the mourners at the funeral is a young woman who was living with Harold when he committed suicide. She strikes the old friends as shallow, a silly adolescent, unable to appreciate who Harold really was.

I’m not there yet.

When INFPs first make contact with the Extraverted character of their Intuition, they see it in the same terms – as a shallow approach to life, without meaning. It invites them to give up their expectations, live in perceptual harmony with anything that happens. This strikes them as irresponsible. As the song says, “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.”

Read some more Blake, maybe?

The more they wrestle with this perspective, however, the more they see that their values have nothing to do with their comfort or discomfort in any situation. They constitute a way of seeing life, a way of relating to any situation. When INFPs use their Intuition to figure out how to make this relationship manifest, they see that they have many options to take positive action.

To disassociate values from enjoyment or dissatisfaction with an event – yes, that’s where I want to be heading, my aims and the aims it outlines here are in alignment.

It may be noted that at the end of The Big Chill, one of the friends, the one who had been resisting a social definition, decides to help the young girl finish a house Harold has been building in the wilderness. This is the sort of thing that happens to INFPs who wake up to the wholistic nature of their inner life. They realize that being responsible to their values isn’t about fighting what exists; it’s about building, recognizing that they can do things, want to do things, that might not even occur to others.

Cool.

INFPs who reach this point don’t ignore the problems of society or betray commitments they’ve already made. They simply play from their strengths. For example, an INFP social worker of my acquaintance, after much reflection, left his position to design a unique company of his own, which helps corporations restructure their organizations in terms of human values. He no longer feels quite at home in the world, but he’s at peace with himself, working on things that truly drive him.

It all sounds very sensible, grown-up, mature. I shall do my best, heh heh :P

Sometimes INFPs simply need to make room in their lives to give their strengths a chance to grow. For example, they may take up creative pursuits – writing, composition, design art: something that allows them to give their ideals material form. Sometimes they volunteer their services to take care of homeless animals.

I’m planning on working with the Samaritans soon – sounds about right. And yes, I enjoy creative writing (all here, just hidden from your gaze <_<…..>_>

In general, however, well-developed INFPs live lives that don’t look much different from anyone else’s. What’s different is their perspective. They strike others as unassuming, even deferential, because they treat people with unconditional love and compassion. In consequence, their actions, their choices, their way of life can awaken others to human values the community has not acknowledged.

This is where I want to be.

For example, a small Midwestern church has hired a pastor from the New York area, and there were many discussions on the church board about the difficult transition for the congregation. An INFP board member saw the situation from the other way around, empathizing with the minister and his family, uprooted from their home and friends in the East to make a new life for them.

When the family arrived, a day ahead of the moving truck, picturing themselves eating pizza on a bare floor, they walked into the parsonage and found a table set with flowers and good china, a refrigerator full of dinners and staples, and soap and towels in the bathrooms. Such actions see through external distinctions of role, background, and status to focus on our common human links.

Such a touching story, I should really go out of my way to make these gestures more. I always think of them, I’m just too afraid to assert myself I guess.

INFPs sometimes underestimate their strengths because there are so many problems in the world that they can’t be solved by changing people’s hearts. But they shouldn’t. the effects of their decisions are often incalculable, renewing people’s faith in human nature.

I’ve been told that my influence on people was more than i imagined, maybe it was true after all. I agree that the effects of all decisions are incapable – and if they are positive, can have global consequences :)

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Wow. That was a lot of introspection for one sitting. I hope this is helpful / interesting to someone else, but if not at least it gave me a chance to figure out where I should be heading next.

<3